Admitted Essay for Claremont McKenna: Essay Review

Students Who Use Essay Prompts to Showcase Their Uniqueness Stand Out from the Crowd

Most students hesitate to focus on themselves in essays centered on the school. However, when a student takes the initiative to connect their personal goals and passions with what the institution offers, it reflects a depth of research and critical thinking that admissions officers appreciate.

In this Claremont McKenna essay, the writer crafts a narrative that enables the admissions team to clearly imagine them thriving on campus and contributing to the college’s community.

An Admitted Essay for Claremont McKenna College

Prompt:
College is a transformative experience; an exciting time for you to discover yourself. During your four years of college, you will have opportunities that will allow you to learn, adapt, and develop into a young adult ready to take on the real world. Today, you believe Claremont McKenna College is a good match for you based on your aspirations and based on your knowledge of our institution. How can Claremont McKenna College both challenge and complement the person you aspire to become during your undergraduate career? (250 words)

“Claremont McKenna College offers a liberal arts education like no other, blending rigorous academics with real-world applications, particularly in economics and politics. Its unique approach allows students to engage in meaningful intellectual conversations and translate classroom knowledge into hands-on experiences during internships. While I’m drawn to environmental studies, economics, and politics, I’m still exploring potential career paths. At CMC, I would use classroom insights to navigate various careers and discover where my passions truly lie.

The Athenaeum provides access to influential thinkers who exemplify practical applications of knowledge. Listening to these experts challenge my perspectives would help me refine my philosophical views and strengthen my critical thinking. Additionally, spaces like the CARE Center foster dialogue among students of diverse identities, offering a supportive environment for open discussions about how identity shapes our experiences. Through these conversations, I would deepen my understanding of others’ perspectives while connecting them to my own. CMC is the ideal environment for me to bridge my academic interests with future career possibilities and expand my learning beyond the classroom.”

Expert Review

This essay succeeds in balancing research with personal ambition. Rather than overwhelming the reader with a deluge of information about the school, the student strategically weaves their research into their vision for the future. By doing so, they demonstrate their ability to synthesize knowledge and connect it to their aspirations—key traits liberal arts colleges value.

The essay invites the admissions team to visualize how the student would engage with Claremont McKenna’s unique programs. Programs like the Athenaeum and the CARE Center are seamlessly tied to the student’s goals, illustrating their preparedness to make the most of the college experience.

However, the essay could improve by devoting more time upfront to the student’s personal goals rather than beginning with what the college offers. While it effectively highlights the student’s ambition and alignment with CMC’s values, a stronger introduction could make the essay more compelling.

One of the essay’s greatest strengths lies in its specificity. By connecting CMC’s opportunities to their passions and interests, the student provides a clear roadmap of their intended college journey.

How to Apply These Tips to Your Own College Essays

1. Showcase Your Research

Admissions officers appreciate essays that demonstrate genuine research and thoughtfulness. Rather than explaining every detail of a program, reference key features in the context of your goals and aspirations. For instance, this student highlights the Athenaeum and CARE Center while tying them to personal growth and learning goals.

• How can you naturally incorporate your research into your essay?
• Are you repeating information the admissions office already knows, or are you providing fresh, personal insights?

2. Get Specific

Strong essays go beyond surface-level details. By narrowing your focus and sharing specific aspects of the college that resonate with your interests, you can create a more compelling and personalized narrative. In this essay, the student explicitly connects CMC’s resources to their academic interests, making their application feel tailored.

• Have you included concrete details about the college’s programs, faculty, or culture?
• Could your essay apply to multiple schools? If so, how can you make it more exclusive to the one you’re writing for?

3. Connect Yourself to the School

The best essays allow admissions officers to envision you thriving on campus. Instead of listing programs you like, describe how you’d engage with them and grow as a student. This student paints a clear picture of how they’d benefit from and contribute to Claremont McKenna’s academic and cultural environment.

• Does your essay reflect who you are as a student and individual?
• Are your interests and passions interconnected in a way that feels authentic and cohesive?

4. Sharpen Your Language

With limited space, every word matters. Use language that is vivid, precise, and emotionally impactful to leave a lasting impression. This essay’s standout line—“These experts will challenge my beliefs by presenting their perspective; consequently, I will develop a better understanding of the cracks in my own philosophical foundation”—is a powerful example of how language can convey both introspection and ambition.

• Can you replace overused words with ones that evoke stronger emotions or images?
• Does your essay read smoothly and clearly, free of unnecessary jargon?

Refine Your Personal Statement

Crafting a strong personal statement involves more than just stating your goals; it’s about painting a picture of how your unique qualities align with the college’s opportunities. By connecting your passions to the resources available at the school, you can create an essay that resonates with admissions officers.

If you’re struggling to refine your essay or need guidance on brainstorming, don’t hesitate to seek help. For assistance with your college essays, check out Admit AI, which provides automatic feedback to help write essays that will get you accepted.