Admitted Essay for Hamilton College: Essay Review
With Limited Words, Crafting College Essays Can Be a Challenge
For many students, expressing themselves within the constraints of a word limit is one of the toughest parts of writing college essays—especially when responding to a popular prompt like Why this college? In this post, we’ll examine a successful personal statement that gained admission to Hamilton College. We’ll break down why it works, highlight areas for improvement, and share practical tips to help you craft your own standout essay.
A Real Essay for Hamilton College
Prompt: Why do you want to attend Hamilton College?
“Hamilton College is a liberal arts college that stands out from its peers. The conversations I’ve had with Hamilton faculty and alumni have shown me that Hamilton is a place where I’ll be intellectually challenged to explore ideas deeply and articulate them with more sophistication than ever before. The open curriculum and emphasis on exceptional writing would allow me to experiment with various disciplines while enhancing my ability to communicate effectively. This broad academic foundation would equip me with skills that are transferable to any career. During my talks with Ms. Phyllis Breland, I learned that Hamilton fosters a supportive community where students are encouraged to reach their fullest potential. The college’s extensive resources empower those who are ready to work hard. Additionally, Hamilton’s renowned study abroad program in France—one of the oldest and best in the world—requires courses taught in French, promising a mastery of the language I couldn’t achieve elsewhere. Few colleges offer such a unique opportunity. My experiences at Hamilton have convinced me that it is the perfect place for me to thrive.”
Our Expert Analysis
This essay immediately dives into the prompt, delivering a detailed and personal response—a smart move. Answering the question directly and early in the essay helps establish focus. The student demonstrates genuine enthusiasm for Hamilton and articulates how its unique offerings align with their interests and goals. The brevity required by the word count doesn’t prevent them from highlighting specific aspects of the college beyond what’s listed on its website. Importantly, they connect these features to their own aspirations.
The essay also reflects the student’s personal experiences with Hamilton’s community, such as their interaction with Ms. Breland. This not only adds authenticity but also strengthens their answer to the prompt: why Hamilton?
However, even a strong essay like this can be improved.
The language and structure are effective but could benefit from additional refinement. By enhancing word choice and improving flow, the essay could achieve greater emotional resonance and clarity. A more polished final draft would help the student better convey their connection to Hamilton.
Tips for Writing Your Own “Why This College?” Essay
1. Dive Deep into Details
With so much information available about colleges, your essay should go beyond generalities. Avoid vague statements like “I love the campus” or “The professors are great.” Instead, identify a specific feature or program that resonates with you. Maybe it’s a professor’s research that aligns with your academic goals, or perhaps it’s a student organization that speaks to your interests. Demonstrating knowledge of the college shows your enthusiasm and commitment.
- What specific aspect of the college excites you?
- How does this connect to your talents, passions, or aspirations?
- Could your essay apply to several schools? If so, how can you make it uniquely tailored?
2. Focus on Flow and Structure
A well-organized essay is easier to read and more impactful. Reading your essay aloud during revisions can help you catch awkward phrasing or disjointed transitions. Ensure your ideas build on one another in a logical sequence.
- Does your essay progress smoothly from one idea to the next?
- Are your sentences concise, or do they feel clunky?
- Are you using emotionally compelling language to connect your ideas?
In the Hamilton essay, the student occasionally jumps between past experiences and future aspirations, which disrupts the flow. Rearranging sentences to follow a more linear structure would strengthen their argument.
3. Commit to Multiple Revisions
Great essays are rarely written in one sitting. Plan to revise your essay several times, ideally with input from trusted friends, mentors, or counselors. Fresh perspectives can catch details you might overlook.
If revising feels daunting, print out your essay and annotate it by hand. Seeing your words on paper can provide a fresh perspective and spark new ideas.
- Have you sought feedback from someone who knows you well?
- Are there areas where you could better highlight your skills or ambitions?
- Does your essay fully address the prompt?
Refining Your Essay Is Worth the Effort
Investing time in editing and revising your essay can make the difference between good and great. Remember, the first draft is rarely the best draft.
After completing your essay, step away from it for a while. Taking breaks between revisions allows you to return with fresh eyes and a clear mind. Whether you spend time with friends or focus on other parts of your application, this pause often sparks new insights for improvement.
If you find yourself stuck, don’t hesitate to seek help. For assistance with your college essays, check out Admit AI, which provides automatic feedback to help write essays that will get you accepted. Let us help you showcase your best self in your personal statement—and every step of the way toward your dream school!