Admitted Essay for the Common Application: Essay Review
What Does “Tell a Story” Really Mean in Your College Application Essays?
We often hear college admissions counselors advising students to “tell a story” in their application essays. But what does that really entail?
Today, we’ll delve into an exceptional college application essay that does just that: it tells an engaging story that left a lasting impression on admissions officers and ultimately helped this student secure a spot in college. Read on to see this essay, review our expert analysis, and get top strategies to craft an equally compelling essay for your own application.
In This Essay Review:
- An Admitted Essay for the Common Application
- Expert Analysis of the Essay
- Tips to Apply This Advice to Your Own College Essays
- Show Your Story and Win Over Admissions!
A Standout Essay for the Common Application
Prompt: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
"And from Staten Island, New York, it’s Team #375, the Robotic Plague." We were the top-ranked team at the New York City Regional, and everything was going smoothly. We could already see ourselves crossing the field, clutching the first-place trophy. There was no way we could lose.
Going into the semifinals, everything was in place. Pre-round checks were flawless: bolts tightened, tank treads replaced, battery charged. We aced the first thirty seconds of the match, with a perfect autonomous run and strong control over our opponents. Then, suddenly, our robot lost power. We attempted a remote reset, assuming it was a programming issue (programmers always get the blame), but it stayed motionless.
After the round, we had just 30 seconds to rush onto the field for repairs. The issue was obvious—a snapped chain. Simple fix, right? But we were missing a key part. We searched the pits, asking dozens of teams, and finally found one. Although it was slightly different and a bit tight, it seemed to work. With seconds to spare, we were ready for the next round.
This time, the match was perfect again—until the final 20 seconds, when the robot froze once more. We were stunned. Just like that, we were out. It felt like all our hard work had been for nothing.
On the bus ride home, we sat in silence. We had packed our speakers to blast "We Are the Champions" and "Sweet Caroline" as we passed the trophy around, but they stayed quiet too.
In that silence, our build captain—the person technically responsible for the snapped chain—stood up to apologize. His voice shook, and he looked close to tears. No one wanted him to feel bad, though; we all respected him deeply. Another teammate reminded us of the time he’d sprayed WD40 on the floor for “out-of-control cart races.” I recalled an all-nighter when we found the word “flange” so hilarious that we laughed for hours.
Slowly, we realized that the memories we’d made together—the fun, the ridiculous moments—meant far more than any trophy could. Right there, on that bus, I reflected on how I’d approached everything in life, often so fixated on the end goal that I missed out on the daily moments. From that day on, I shifted my focus to enjoying what I was learning and experiencing in the present.
Whether in school, music, or robotics, I started focusing on the individual steps that make up the journey rather than just the final outcome. Instead of stressing about learning the whole piece, I focused on perfecting each segment. Rather than worrying solely about assembling the entire project, I took time to appreciate each component.
Expert Analysis
At its core, this is a textbook “realization essay.”
To start, the student crafts a story that draws us into the thrill of a robotics competition, covering who, what, when, where, why, and how. They build suspense, preventing the essay from feeling like just another robotics story. When victory seems imminent, a twist—the robot malfunctions, ending their hopes.
However, the essay doesn’t stop there. The student connects the competition to a deeper realization about personal growth and friendship. Rather than criticizing the team member responsible, they remember their shared moments, ultimately realizing that their camaraderie and memories meant more than winning.
Finally, they conclude by summarizing their experience and describing how it changed their perspective, solidifying the narrative as one of growth and reflection.
How to Apply These Insights to Your Own Essays
TELL A STORY
This essay succeeds by delivering a compelling narrative. Not only does it immerse readers in the energy of the competition, but it also builds suspense, encouraging readers to root for the team. When they fall short, we share in their disappointment.
The lesson woven into the end brings cohesion to the story, which no doubt resonated with the admissions committee.
When writing your own essays, ask yourself:
- What details can you include to bring a particular experience or moment to life?
- Did you face any challenges or setbacks that created suspense?
SHOW PERSONAL GROWTH
While the essay begins with a specific experience, it concludes with a strong expression of personal growth. The student reflects deeply on the experience, aligning with the prompt while demonstrating an understanding of how they can improve.
Admissions officers seek students who embrace growth and self-reflection. This student illustrates maturity by recognizing the joy of the journey rather than holding onto resentment over the failure.
For your own essays, consider:
- What significant experiences have shaped your growth?
- Can you show resilience, even when it would be easy to hold a grudge?
Show Your Story and Impress Colleges!
Applying these strategies to your own college essays doesn’t have to be daunting. Just stay true to the prompt, select a story that fits, and weave in details, suspense, and a lesson at the end.
For assistance with your college essays, check out Admit AI, which provides automatic feedback to help write essays that will get you accepted.