Admitted Essay for University of Chicago: Essay Review

Writing a College Essay: Using Strong Connections to Make a Lasting Impression

When crafting your college essay, one of the most effective strategies is to create strong, meaningful connections between yourself and the college. By illustrating why you’re a perfect fit for the university, you can make a compelling case for your acceptance while demonstrating your genuine interest in their programs and community.

This essay review from an admitted University of Chicago applicant highlights excellent examples of connection-building while pointing out areas for improvement, such as clarity, specificity, and fully addressing the essay prompt. Let’s analyze the strengths and weaknesses of this essay and uncover tips you can apply to your own writing process.

An Admitted Essay for the University of Chicago

Prompt: How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.

I had never heard of the University of Chicago when your representative first came to my school. But I knew I was in the right spot when the rep began with a reference to the first sustained nuclear reaction. Unbeknownst to him, I am enthralled with nuclear history—my bookshelf is filled with books on the atomic bomb, the nuclear navy, and works by physicists like Feynman and Hawking. Learning that the University of Chicago was home to Enrico Fermi and has such monumental scientific history was thrilling. When the representative joked about replacing the football field with a library, every head in the room turned to me. I had often joked that a college emphasizing sports wouldn’t appeal to me, and here was UChicago, bragging about its library instead of its sports team. The presentation captured my attention completely, and the coincidences only grew from there.

Because of speech and debate, I research a wide range of topics. Last year, while preparing a debate about the right to housing, I came across Cass Sunstein’s work. I felt a sense of déjà vu and discovered I had cited his research multiple times in previous cases and an original oratory. To my amazement, this same man was a professor at—yes—the University of Chicago.

By then, I had decided to study economics in college, specifically a blend of economics and foreign affairs. After reading The Undoing Project by Michael Lewis, I became fascinated with behavioral economics. Imagine my excitement when Richard Thaler won the Nobel Prize in Economics. That recognition sealed my decision. After a wonderful campus visit last summer and these remarkable coincidences, I’m completely convinced that the University of Chicago is where I belong.

Expert Review of the Essay

This essay effectively demonstrates the applicant’s strong connection to the University of Chicago, showing her curiosity, intellectual passion, and enthusiasm for its programs. By tying her interests in nuclear history, debate research, and economics to specific aspects of the university, she paints a picture of herself as a great fit.

She also balances her excitement with a touch of humility, admitting she wasn’t initially aware of UChicago, which makes her story approachable and relatable.

That said, there are areas where the essay could improve:

1. Specificity: The writer mentions key figures and moments that influenced her decision but doesn’t fully explain their significance.
2. Prompt Completion: The essay focuses heavily on learning but neglects the other two parts of the prompt—community and future.
3. Repetition: While the list of coincidences is engaging, it becomes redundant, taking up space that could be used for further insights.
4. Narrative Flow: Some parts feel disjointed, making the essay harder to follow.

How to Apply These Lessons to Your Own Essay

1. Provide Clear Explanations

The writer shows excitement for key discoveries but doesn’t always connect the dots. For instance, she mentions citing Cass Sunstein multiple times and attending a successful campus visit but doesn’t explain why these experiences reinforced her interest in UChicago.

• Tip: When making a point, always ask yourself why. For example:
  • Why does citing Sunstein matter to you?
  • What about your campus visit made it memorable or unique?

2. Fully Answer the Prompt

The essay prompt asks about learning, community, and future, yet the writer only focuses on learning. Including her aspirations for the future would have brought her essay full circle and made it more comprehensive.

• Tip: Create an outline to ensure you address every part of the prompt. Allocate equal space to each section to provide a balanced response.

3. Avoid Repetition

The essay repeatedly emphasizes coincidences, which, while interesting, begin to feel redundant.

• Tip: Be concise and prioritize quality over quantity. Rather than listing every coincidence, focus on one or two that best illustrate your connection to the college.

4. Maintain a Smooth Narrative Flow

Some transitions in the essay feel abrupt, which disrupts its readability.

• Tip: Review your essay sentence by sentence to ensure each idea connects logically to the next. Smooth transitions keep your tone polished and professional.

Creating Strong Connections in Your College Essay

This essay stands out by showcasing the writer’s enthusiasm and intellectual curiosity, but it could be even stronger with more specificity, balance, and flow. When writing your own college essays, always remember:

1. Answer the Prompt Fully: Use the essay prompt as a guide to structure your response and include all required elements.
2. Be Specific: Provide clear explanations for why certain experiences or discoveries influenced your decision.
3. Eliminate Redundancy: Avoid repeating the same points; focus on variety and depth.
4. Ensure Smooth Flow: Use transitions to create a cohesive narrative that’s easy to follow.

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